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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634856">Dexter Murray and the Feat of Love (Remastered)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerry_Is_Writing/pseuds/Jerry_Is_Writing'>Jerry_Is_Writing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dexter Murray Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Impractical Jokers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Smut, Gay, Gay Sex, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerry_Is_Writing/pseuds/Jerry_Is_Writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You've probably heard of James Murray from Impractical Jokers - but have you heard of his identical twin brother? Meet Dexter William Murray. He may look exactly like his brother, but he has a completely different personality. Dexter is a gray-asexual homoromantic who's never experienced love - the feat of love to be exact. He finds himself caught in the net of attraction and arousal when he meets his twin's best freind - the one and only Brian Quinn. This is a remastered version of the original with improved storyline and better flow.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brian "Q" Quinn/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dexter Murray Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    <a href="https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/290734511/DMATFOL-Remastered-Cover">Cover Image</a></p><p>  I'm your author, Jerry Lovelu. Let me tell you about my book. Dexter Murray is James Murray's twin brother. You may know Dexter's brother James as "Murr" from the hit TV show 'Impractical Jokers'. In the beginning, Dexter has a strained relationship with his brother. He never talks to him unless he has to; until he's given an offer he can't say no to. This offer leads to a new start for Dexter, where he meets the love of his life. Of course with all good things there are bad, and tragedy must strike at one point or another. Read about Dexter's journey of self-discovery, triumph, and peril in "Dexter Murray and the Feat of Love"!</p><p> </p><p>Info about the remastered version: this version is an updated version of the original "Dexter Murray and the Feat of Love". This version is the same story told in a different way, with better descriptions and more flow. </p><p>The original version can be found on Wattpad and Archive of Our Own under the name "Dexter Murray and the Feat of Love (Original)" written by Jerry Lovelu.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part 1 ▪︎ Adrift in Despair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/17/2017 ▪︎ Manhattan, NY</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>When all feels lost, there may be some hope lost in the midst of the tiny particles in the air- filled with fate to take you where you are destined to go in life. All you have to do is breathe it.</em>
</p><p>Dexter sat on his food-stained loveseat staring at the dark wall a few feet away, trying to make out the little shapes that his retina seemed to make when he stared into the abyss. Darkness and despair had overtaken his soul, dragging him into the hell that was the harsh realities of life. Jobless, he could only hope that someone would come and help, someone would drop a rope into the hell of harsh realities and pull him to safety. Safety to Dexter was feeling warm, loved, and having someone to rely on. Right now, he had none of those.</p><p>After days of processing his lost hope, he decided it was best to reach out to James, his estranged brother. </p><p>Their relationship crumbled like the walls of Jericho, tearing both of them apart. It was days of fighting. Fighting not over issues, or meaningless topics, but fighting over <em>the way that Dexter was.</em> It all started at the age of 14, Dexter would go into the streets, behaving like a lion prowling for its prey. He would do things that all of the "bad boys" did- steal, get in fights, and buy any drug he could get his hands on. This greatly troubled James- it made him feel as though a peice of him was poisoned uncureably; he felt that it would get to his blood and kill him. All James wanted was for that peice of him, Dexter, to be cured of his addictions. </p><p>They fought, but in the end James was left with everything and Dexter was left with nothing. Their parents caught wind of the trouble, but did nothing to prevent the downfall of the Murray brothers. Dexter, filled with anger and spite, ran away from home at the age of 15- looking for a new life, but with less meaning. </p><p>And he found it, but he soon realized that he simply<em> cannot</em> get life without meaning. All humans are meant to accumulate to something of worth, something Dexter didn't want. Dexter was focused on keeping his life miserable, ignoring the true meaning of life. But ignorance is sometimes not bliss. His ignorance only caused his misery to grow like a dark cummulonimbus in a midsummer storm.</p><p>He searched the internet for the name of his brother, James Stephen Murray. What he found shocked him- all of these years, his brother gained the fame that children dreamed about. He was a bright-eyed comedian and a skilled writer who knew many languages. Deep inside, Dexter felt a resentment kindle, and small flames that go unchecked start dangerous fires. </p><p>He was unsure of how to contact him- or anyone in his family for that matter. He typed in random email addresses, hoping that one would reach his long-lost sibling. Hopeful that his brother had not forgotten him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part 2 ▪︎ Find You Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/19/2017 ▪︎ Manhattan, NY</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was two days since Dexter tried reaching out, to Dexter's surprise, one of the email adresses came through.</p><p>
  <em>Dexter! I thought I had lost you forever! Where are you? How have you been? How did you find my email? We have alot to catch up on!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-James Murray</em>
</p><p>Dexter thought on the reply, wondering what to say. All of these feelings blew through his head like a hurricane, flooding his thoughts with doubt, fear, and... a tinge of happiness? No, it couldn't be happiness. James never helped Dexter when he was addicted to drugs and getting in trouble. He only argued with him and made it worse.</p><p>Tears came to Dexter slowly, but he denied his feelings, putting them in little boxes and shoving them to the depths of his soul. He had many of these boxes, some labeled anger, some labeled guilt; he ignored every single one of him. But there is only so much space in one's soul for all these boxes. <em>They must come out eventually.</em></p><p>Dexter slowly moved his hands to the dusty keyboard of his computer, his stomach filling with anxiety for what's to come.</p><p>
  <em>I'm in Manhattan. I haven't been so well. I just lost another job, and I don't have many options left. You know I never got a degree. I typed in random adresses with your name and I assume I found the right one. If you would like to meet somewhere this week I am free to do so.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Dexter Murray</em>
</p><p>Dexter felt a wave of releif wash over him when he pressed send. He was curious as to why he was anxious.</p><p>No sooner than two minutes later, James' reply dropped to Dexter's inbox.</p><p>
  <em>How about we meet today? I know a nice Olive Garden downtown. 6 o'clock?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-James Murray</em>
</p><p>◇</p><p>
  <em>Sure. See you there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Dexter Murray</em>
</p><p>Dexter was scared and excited all at once. And for some reason, the tangled spaghetti-like structure of his soul unraveled the smallest bit, giving him a slight releif of the tension that built up over 30 years.</p><p>He readied himself for his eventual outing, putting on the best clothes he had. He took a taxi to the restaurant, arriving in a periwinkle button-up shirt that was slightly wrinkled, and some light gray pants. His shoes were damaged, but they were all he had.</p><p>Dexter walked into the place of eating, timid as it was his first outing in weeks. He spotted his brother, recognizing him only by the pictures he saw online. They were identical twins, but they looked moderately different. James was clean shaven, with his hair cut short and tidy to make his bald spot stand out less. Dexter, however, had let his hair grow out 3 inches, even though it was thick and unkempt. He had short stubble that he shaved once every 2 or 3 days making him look even worse.</p><p>"Dexter.." James said with disbeleif as Dexter appeoached his table</p><p>"Yeah... that's me.." Dexter said with a sigh</p><p>Dexter stood in front of the table, just staring at James. He stood there for so long, you could cut the tension with a knife.</p><p>"Gonna sit down, bud?" James asked softly</p><p>"Uh, yeah."</p><p>Dexter sat down, he felt embarassed for how long he stood, but decided to try and ignore that.</p><p>"So no job, huh?" James asked</p><p>"Yeah, it's been a couple weeks since I lost it."</p><p>"You don't look so good. Have you been alright?"</p><p>"Well.. yeah, I've been fine."</p><p>Dexter thought about the lie he had said. In reality, he had not been fine. He would lay in bed every day, sobbing with an aura of pain to be felt around him. This aura of pain, not visible to the human eye, made Dexter feel cold. It also made him feel scared; in order to get rid of this aura, Dexter needed a feeling of safety. That safety could only be provided if he let down his walls, opening himself up to <em>love and be loved;</em> hence, accomplishing the <em><strong>feat of love.</strong></em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part 3 ▪︎ Start Anew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/19/2017 ▪︎ Manhattan, NY</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"But in your email you said you weren't doing well"</p><p>"Oh, well, uh.." Dexter stuttered</p><p>"Look, I can tell you're doing bad. Let me do something for you. I can get you a job at my place, but you have to promise me not to quit."</p><p>"Why would I quit?"</p><p>"I know you lack motivation, Dexter. It's been over 30 years but I still know you."</p><p>Dexter has always been a quitter- even if he won't admit it. Whenever things get too much for him, he runs.</p><p>"Okay. I'll do it."</p><p>"Good. See you at the office tomorrow."</p><p>James got out of the booth and started to walk away.</p><p>"Wait.. you're leaving? We didn't even order!"</p><p>"Oh, I just wanted to talk."</p><p>Dexter felt that small flame in his soul grow at that comment. </p><p>
  <em>He just came here to fucking talk for what, two minutes?!</em>
</p><p>And once again, he put his feelings in a box and shoved them deep down inside. He thought that since he was to have a job with James, he had to hide all of that pent up anger he had towards him for years.</p><p>When Dexter got home, he went to his email once again to get the tea on this new job. He opened the inbox, which had that dreaded <em>1</em> in a red circle he grew to become anxious towards.</p><p>
  <em>North South Productions in Manhattan. 9 to 5 every weekday. You will be an accountant. Casual</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-James Murray</em>
</p><p>James' emails tended to be very... vague. It took Dexter a loaf of time to figure out what "<em>casual</em>" meant. He did not reply, but simply decided to show up the next day, a Friday, unnanounced.</p><p>Another detail Dexter thought on was that he was going to be an accountant. He was not qualified, especially as a highscool dropout, and the feild just seemed monotonous to him. </p><p>Dexter went to bed that night with that aura of pain eating away at his soul once again. Sobbing because of all the boxes buried in his soul that his heart wanted to let out, but his head did not. When the heart and the head conflict, things get complicated.</p><p>Another great issue in Dexter's life was romance and sexuality. He never touched himself in a sexual manner, not because of some religious vow, but because he never saw a reason to. It was his mind's way of creating more psychological self-harm, something Dexter became numb to. Dexter never cared to learn about himself, who he liked, and if he ever wanted to procreate because of the damage he inflicted on himself. His heart pleads to be nourished by the love of another, but is denied that right by his mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>1/20/2017</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dexter awakes from a deep sleep, head sick from the rain of tears that fell in the previous hours. He gets out of bed with the extra weight of tiredness in his legs and spine.</p><p>
  <em>This is going to be a terrible day</em>
</p><p>His negative thoughts were guaranteed to come true, thanks to his mind augmenting reality to make everything seem bad. This might be one of the greatest issues in Dexter's life; he can't seem to find the good in anything.</p><p>
  <em>He is suffocating, he can't breathe the hope in the air.</em>
</p><p>Dexter calls a taxi, immediately after getting ready. After what seemed like forever, he arrived at his new workplace. Little did he know, this place would change his life; something, or <em>someone, </em>would change the course of his life, turning fate itself on its head.</p><p>He was greeted to a portion of his new coworkers, putting on a facade to make him seem as joyous as his brother James. On the inside, he was tortured by thoughts of negativity and anger.</p><p>He was showed to his space, taught how everything worked, and left to his own devices. He toiled through the workday, completing everything on his given agenda, then left for home at 5.</p><p>He once again fell into his routine cycle; the aura fell on him as the sun set, maybe for the last time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part 4 ▪︎ The One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/23/2017 ▪︎ Manhattan, NY</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waking up yet again, Dexter prepares to start his day. To him, he beleives that this will <em>yet again</em> be a miserable day, a day that he will mope and whine hoping that his heart stops beating and that he will be freed from the prison that his body was to him. But no, this will be the day everything changes: the day he finally has the will to breathe hope, the day he stops trying to make himself hurt, the day that he wants to thrive. </p><p>He arrives at his workplace, back arched forward and feeling compressed due to stress. Unusually, the office appears empty. It was rare that curiousity would ever strike Dexter. He was the type that would be nonchalant about everything. To him, nothing piqued his interest; but this particular day, something did.</p><p>
  <em>Where is everybody?</em>
</p><p>He begins to wander about the two-story building, looking for signs of life. What he did find, though, was an old black cat. He was hiding in a corner, ears held high to listen for threats. </p><p>One positive thing about Dexter, is that he cared about animals, unless that particular animal was a pesky gnat.</p><p>"Hey little guy... what'cha doing over there?" He said endearingly</p><p>The cat moved towards Dexter slowly. In response, Dexter crouched down; something he had learned from watching <em>My Cat From Hell</em>. </p><p>He held his hand out, cupping it ever so slightly. To his surprise, the cat put his head in Dexter's hand, licking his fingers occasionally.</p><p>Dexter began to hear footsteps from down the hall. He was semi-releived that someone else- hopefully not a murderer, was there with him. But he also dreaded the possibility of socialization.</p><p>"Hey, you found him!" The man said as he walked into the room</p><p>Dexter was startled by the sudden speech of the man; he jumped, which in return scared the cat back into its corner. </p><p>"This your cat? Why are they here?" Dexter asked</p><p>"Oh, that's Benjamin. I though I could bring him to work today, but it looks like he has to go back home." The man said with a chuckle</p><p>Dexter had a feeling about this man. This man, he was tall and brawny, with curly, long black hair that flowed like the waves of an ocean. His eyes were chocolate brown, and they shined like the stars of the galaxy on an unbeleivably clear night. His smile was sweet and endearing with a perfect upward curve. His voice was accented like your typical New Yorker, but deep and velvety.</p><p>"You're James' brother, right?" He asked</p><p>"Uh, yeah. Dexter."</p><p>Dexter timidly reached out his hand to greet the man</p><p>"Name's Brian."</p><p>Without warning, Brian pulled Dexter into a side hug as their hands connected. Dexter felt a warmth rush over him. This warmth felt like someone dumped a gallon of hot water over his ice-cold body, melting his soul and loosening the emotional boxes buried deep inside. This warmth wasn't just physical temperature, it was a taste of <em>safety.</em> </p><p>Perhaps this was the one to rescue him from the hell of harsh realities and bring him to the heaven of love and hope. But, Dexter doesn't know how to love. <em>Yet.</em></p><p>"Hey, I'll see you later, alright?" Brian said</p><p>"Okay. Bye." Dexter said vaguely</p><p>Brian picked up his cat and left the room, leaving Dexter standing in the middle of the room, alone. The look on his face was one of surprise, shock, and confusion. </p><p>
  <em>What was with that guy? Why did he make me feel that way?</em>
</p><p>Dexter ran out of the room into the men's bathroom. He went to the sink and splashed cold water on his face, hopeful that he could snap back into his old world of self-inflicted misery. But he was locked out of that world; it was as if Brian's soul reached out and pulled Dexter's out of the pit of his stomach and back to his core.</p><p>Dexter went home in delirium, trying to decipher what distrupted his insides. He got on his computer as soon as he hit the sofa, digging deep to find meaning to this new feeling. What he learned shocked him. </p><p>One time in his life, Dexter was open to love. He searched, but nothing ever clicked. He never experienced attraction once, not even for a millisecond; he gave up, feeling hopeless, and fell deeper into depression.</p><p>He learned that what he was feeling <em>was</em> attraction. <em>His soul wanted Brian.</em></p><p>The rarity of this attraction, however, did not make him gay- he discovered that he was, infact, <em>in the spectrum of </em><em>asexuality.</em></p><p>On the screen of his computer, it read:</p><p>
  <strong> <em> Graysexual — sometimes spelled greysexual — is used to refer to people who experience limited sexual attraction. In other words, they experience sexual attraction very rarely, or with very low intensity. This is also known as gray-asexuality, gray-A, or gray-ace. </em> </strong>
</p><p>Dexter also learned about romantic orientation, and that he was <em>homoromantic.</em></p><p>
  <strong> <em>Homoromantic: Romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender (homoromanticism)</em> </strong>
</p><p>This all came as a great shock to Dexter. It was now almost midnight, he put his hand on his forehead in disbeleif and leaned back in the sofa. </p><p>He fell asleep in a rather uncomfortable position, but the aura of pain and the sobbing that accompanied it never came that night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Part 5 ▪︎ Faint</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/24/2017</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dexter awoke, his spine feeling flexible and painless because of the aura that went absent the previous evening. He took in a deep breath this particular morning, and he breathed hope.</p><p>He went to his bathroom and looked at the man in the mirror for what seemed like the first time in years. Dexter did not like what he saw. He saw that he had abandoned all self-care; he shaved his stubble and booked an appointment to get his hair cut like his brother's. </p><p>As he took a shower, he thought about the previous day. Dexter decided that he would take time that day to learn even more about himself.</p><p>He left his apartment, looking around the city that surrounded him, and took a second to appreciate the architecture of New York City. He took another deep breath; he smelled pizza, hot dogs, and other fast foods. And as he breathed, he closed his eyes and smiled, for he had just decided to make this day a good day. He arrived at work, in a mood as good as James'.</p><p>"Morning!" He said to his coworkers happily as he entered the building.</p><p>Surprised looks arose from around the cubicles.</p><p>"Somebody's in a good mood today!" Brian said as he appeared from around the corner.</p><p>"Oh hey, I remember you!"</p><p>Brian laughed subtly and looked to his feet like a teen girl talking to her crush. Dexter could feel his pupils dilate at the sight of Brian. He saw what attraction truly meant.</p><p>"I remember you too. Wanna get lunch?"</p><p>"Lunch?"</p><p>Dexter swiftly looked at his watch. He realized that he arrived late.</p><p>"Yeah... you're a bit late. I won't tell James." Brian said with a wink.</p><p>Dexter and Brian sat down at a lunch table in a more open area of the office.</p><p>"So what do you like, Dex?"</p><p>Dexter blushed and smiled at the little nickname Brian gave him.</p><p>"I- I really don't know, actually."</p><p>"You don't know what you like?"</p><p>"I guess I never really learned that about myself."</p><p>"Well I guess we can find out!"</p><p>"Sure, sure."</p><p>The pair took a stroll down the streets until they stumbled upon a decent-looking pizza joint.</p><p>"Pizza?" Brian gestured towards the restaurant</p><p>Dexter simply shrugged and they entered the building. They ordered a pepperoni pizza and sat in the booth closest to the door.</p><p>"Tell me more about you, Dexter."</p><p>Dexter looked up and hummed as he thought.</p><p>"My middle name is William, I ran away from home as a kid... and I cry alot?"</p><p>Brian gave Dexter a look of genuine concern at Dexter's darker comments.</p><p>"Why'd you run away?"</p><p>"I just- oh"</p><p>The steaming hot pizza arrived at their table, causing the men's mouths to water with anticipation.</p><p>"Shall we eat?" Dexter said as he picked himself a slice.</p><p>
  <em>Dodged that bullet.</em>
</p><p>"So, uh, what do you do for fun?" Dexter asked timidly</p><p>"You didn't answer my question, bud."</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>"Well, I, um... I <em>really</em> do not feel comfortable talking about it.</p><p>"You're the one that brought it up, but okay."</p><p>Dexter and Brian sat quietly, looking out the window at the cars and rude drivers passing by.</p><p>"Ready to go?" Brian asked, bringing Dexter out of his spaced-out state.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>They got up and headed out the door, Brian ignoring Dexter as he followed him back to North South Productions. </p><p>"Hey, thanks for taking me to lunch, Brian." Dexter said as the two reached the lobby of the office building.</p><p>"Any time. Do you need anything, bud?" </p><p>"No, I'm good."</p><p>They looked each other in the eyes, and their souls connected creating a similar "handshake" that had formed previously. Their faces inched closer and their eyes shut in lustful anticipation. The handshake, however, was broken when Dexter collapsed onto Brian' shoulder.</p><p>"Dexter?" Brian said as he gently lowered Dexter's limp body to the ground.</p><p>Brian worked his training he received from his career as a fireman, checking Dexter's vitals and trying to agitate him back to consciousness.</p><p>"Oh my god! Is he okay?" Several people asked as the whole event went down.</p><p>"I- I don't know... he tried to kiss me and he just passed out!"</p><p>"He <em>what?" </em>James asked as he kneeled beside his brother.</p><p>"He, uh, leaned close to me with his eyes closed... I think.." Brian said, automatically denying that he had leaned in as well.</p><p>Dexter slowly started to come back to the world, eyes fluttering open.</p><p>"He's awake!" James yelled.</p><p>"Dex! Dexter!" Brian said as he took Dexter into his arms and cradled him. "Are you okay, buddy?"</p><p>"Yeah... I'm fine. What happened?"</p><p>Unbeknownst to Brian, their tender moment was completely wiped from Dexter's mind. Perhaps this was fate's way of saying <em>you're not ready yet.</em></p><p>"Oh.. uh.."</p><p>"You fainted! You, uh, saw a bee!" James jumped in.</p><p>Brian shot a glare at James as it was his original intention to tell Dexter what <em>really</em> happened.</p><p>"Oh, that makes sense." Dexter said with a laugh.</p><p>Dexter swiftly bent over and placed his hand on his forehead as he stood up.</p><p>"Whoah, whoah, whoah! Take it easy bud! You okay?" Brian said as he took Dexter's arm.</p><p>"Yeah I just got light-headed."</p><p>"You wanna stay the night with me in case you pass out again?"</p><p>"Pass out again? Why would I do that?"</p><p>"Blood loss!" James jumped in one more time, with another glare shot at him.</p><p>"Oh, alright." Dexter accepted.</p><p>"How about you go sit down? Sal will get you something to eat." Brian said calmingly.</p><p>Dexter walked to the lunch tables, one hand on Sal's shoulder for support as he was still stumbling about.</p><p>James and Brian had disappeared into an obscure conference room to talk over what had just happened.</p><p>Outside the door, muffled yelling could be heard as the two raffled it out.</p><p>"I don't want you to let him get over-stimulated like that! Do you know how mentally ill he is?" James shouted.</p><p>"He's not mentally ill!"</p><p>"Oh yeah? Do you want me to tell you about his childhood? He did drugs, he stole, he ran away from home, not to mention. He barely talks! I know he's mentally ill and I don't know how you can't tell!"</p><p>"He is not mentally ill! He's been through worse things than me, and he's just shut down. He needs to be over-stimulated to fix that!"</p><p>"Just please leave his mental health to me, alright?"</p><p>"Really? Remember the last time you handled his mental health? He ran away for fuck's sake!"</p><p>
  <em>That should shut his god damn ferret mouth.</em>
</p><p>James stuttered, pointing his finger at Brian, but he could not vocalize any words.</p><p>"Yeahp." James whispered, then left the room and walked straight into the men's room where he would cry over his mistakes.</p><p>Brian left the room as well, but aimed to take Dexter home with him before James could stop him.</p><p>"Hey Dex, wanna go home with me?"</p><p>"Yeah, let me grab my shit."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Part 6 ▪︎ Care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/24/2017</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dexter's eyes were opened only by a sliver as he was laying on Brian's bed.</p><p>"You feeling better?" Brian asked as he entered the room, holding a bowl.</p><p>"What have you there?" Dexter asked as he sat up.</p><p>"Mac and cheese."</p><p>Brian handed the bowl to Dexter with a smile.</p><p>"Oh, I love mac and cheese!"</p><p>"Says the man who didn't know what he liked earlier?"</p><p>"Yeah.. thankyou."</p><p>"You're quite welcome."</p><p>Dexter looked down at the mac with delight, taking in the scent of the powder-turned-to-liquid that coated the noodles; he savored the delightfully sticky texture of each glob of pasta he stuffed in his mouth.</p><p>Brian had since left the room, allowing Dexter to eat in peace. When he was finished eating, he put his bowl down on the bedside table, and he took a moment to take in his surroundings. </p><p>Brian's room was unkempt, clothes on the floor of every corner of the room, but it gave the area a comforting home-ey feel that Dexter settled in to.</p><p>Something was not sitting right with Dexter, although he was in the midst of comfort; even though James had told him that he was scared by a bee, Dexter still felt uninformed. He felt like he had been lied to, and Dexter always trusted his gut.</p><p>"Hey Brian?" Dexter called.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Come here for a second."</p><p>The man walked into the room, Dexter was stunned by how attractive he looked under the warm lighting. He blushed for a second but got back to the more serious topic.</p><p>"What do you need?"</p><p>"I need to know what <em>actually</em> happened."</p><p>Brian took in a deep breath, sat down next to Dexter, and put his hand on Dexter's thigh. </p><p>"You see- It's... complicated."</p><p>"What do you mean it's complicated, Brian?"</p><p>"Well- I-"</p><p>"It's okay. I'm sure whatever you did, it wasn't intentional."</p><p>"No! No, it's not that." Brian tensed up for a second, and decided to let it all out. "We were about to kiss."</p><p>"We fucking what?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah."</p><p>Dexter's eyes widened and he looked down at his feet.</p><p>"Well, that sure changes shit."</p><p>"Are you really comfortable staying here, now that you know that?"</p><p>"It's fine..."</p><p>"Is it, though? I'm not gay... I have no idea. Not anymore I guess."</p><p>"I was confused too. I learned that I was- uh, gray-asexual and homoromantic."</p><p>"And how did you learn that?"</p><p>"I learnt it from you."</p><p>Brian lifted up the covers and lied down next to Dexter, slinging his arm around the smaller man's shoulders. </p><p>"Do you want a drink? Cause I want a drink." Brian asked sternly.</p><p>"I could fucking use one after today."</p><p>Brian got up and left the room to get a case of beer for the both of them. Dexter thought on why he suddenly brought up drinking, but he did not mind it.</p><p>"Okay, got us some beer. Do you like beer, Dexter?"</p><p>"Yeah, I think so."</p><p>The two spent two hours downing one beer after the other, laughing at each other's jokes and enjoying each other's company. What Dexter didn't know that it was a test. Brian was testing to see if he would still have those sort of "interactions" with Dexter once his filter was removed.</p><p>The two finally settled down, still in a numbed state but they now were just focused on each other and not jokes or beer.</p><p>They were laying next to each other on the ensuite bathroom floor, holding each other's hands tightly even though they did not notice.</p><p>"What have you done for fun?" Brian asked.</p><p>"Uhm." Dexter expressed loudly.</p><p>"Not like 'have you been to the amusement park', what's the best pussy you got?"</p><p>"Pussy? Hahaha! I like ass, especially yours."</p><p>"My ass? Why my ass?"</p><p>"Oh I don't know, that's the only thing I've ever liked in that way!"</p><p>"You wanna tap this ass?"</p><p>"Oh, I'd die to tap that ass."</p><p>Dexter sat up on his hands and drew his head back in hysterical laughter.</p><p>"I think I'd be willing to tap <em>your</em>ass. Nobody taps <em>my</em> ass."</p><p>"Okay! Let's do it right now."</p><p>"What- say what right now?"</p><p>"Let's fuck!"</p><p>"Whoah, whoah, whoah, I was joking."</p><p>"Bullshit you were."</p><p>"I'll let you blow me, deal?"</p><p>"But that's just the 'one-night-stand' crap. I want sex."</p><p>"Buddy, we've been drinking, how about we go pass out?"</p><p>By now the two of them were both sit legs-crossed on the bathroom floor facing each other. Dexter was giggling every few seconds because of how intoxicated he was. Dexter had drank more than Brian that night.</p><p>"Look Brian, this may be hard for you to get, but I'm horny for you."</p><p>Brian let out a long sigh and gave in to the silly man before him with an obvious boner breaching his underwear as he had thrown away his pants earlier.</p><p>Dexter looked at Brian with admiring eyes, leaning in closer to him to get a better look of that masculine perfection he grew to love.</p><p>
  <em>There's no going back.</em>
</p><p>Dexter situated himself to be straddled on Brian's lap, and he wrapped his arms around Brian and took in his embalming warmth. Dexter felt safety when he was this close to Brian. He felt <em>warm</em> and <em>loved.</em></p><p>When their lips locked in a passionate kiss, Dexter felt that warmth smothering his body like it did when the pair first met. Brian, however, felt cold.</p><p>Brian's thoughts were those of regret, but Dexter's were those of long-awaited hapiness he waited over 40 years for.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Part 7 ▪︎ Regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/25/2017 Wednesday</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dexter woke up with the air around him damp and cold. He was subject to the embrace of Brian, feeling warm and loved in his arms. Dexter's face was buried in the older man's chest, breathing in the scent of the one who gave him a good time the previous night.</p><p>However, Dexter could not remember the events that occured correctly. Everything seemed out of place, one moment the two were having heated intercourse, the next they were fully clothed and talking about something that made no sense.</p><p>Brian had awakened a few minutes after Dexter, giving hope that maybe he could help put together what exactly happened.</p><p>Brian yawned and stretched, breathing in the stale air around him.</p><p>"Good morning, Dex." He said with a groggy voice.</p><p>"What happened last night?"</p><p>Brian was taken aback by Dexter's question as he assumed he would not bring it up as swiftly as he did. Brian decided to get straight to the point and tell him, even though what he thought of the aforementioned events would hurt Dexter.</p><p>"We had sex last night."</p><p>"Oh, we did?" Dexter said, flattered by the thoughts that finally came together.</p><p>Brian subtly rubbed the back of his neck, quietly bracing for what he was about to tell Dexter.</p><p>"Look, I don't know how we ended up in this situation, and I just want to know how <em>you</em> felt about it before I tell you how I feel." Brian said in all seriousness.</p><p>"Well, I enjoyed it, and I think I want to do it again sometime soon. I-I've been waiting a long time for this!"</p><p>Brian, looking down to his lap, swallowed hard.</p><p>"Well, um, I don't think I want to take this any further."</p><p>Dexter's world shattered before Brian.</p><p>"Wha-what do you mean?"</p><p>"I-I don't know... I just don't think I want to take this any further. I'm sorry."</p><p>Tears fell quietly from Dexter's eyes as he began to cry bitterly. He collapsed on to Brian's chest and cried harder than he ever did in all his years of misery.</p><p>"I'm so sorry..." Brian whispered as he rubbed circles onto Dexter's bare back.</p><p>"I have to go! I have to fucking go!" Dexter stated dramatically between sobs.</p><p>Dexter quickly got up, got dressed, and ran out of Brian's door. Brian followed him, standing on the front porch as Dexter walked away towards the sidewalk. It was a miserable, dreary Wednesday.</p><p>"Dexter! Do you at least want a ride home?" Brian yelled.</p><p>Dexter simply shook his head, still crying as he walked away, not knowing where he was going to go.</p><p>After walking about 2 or three miles into Staten Island, Dexter stopped and sat down on a street corner, thinking about his next move.</p><p>
  <em>What do I do? Do I call James? Is my life over? Should I call Brian? I just want to die.</em>
</p><p>Dexter pulled out his cellphone, seeing his reflection in the dark screen. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he just saw himself as worthless. He decided to call James up for a ride and hopefully some advice.</p><p>After some time, James arrived and picked Dexter up, prepared for an awkward conversation on the ride home.</p><p>"You wanna come to my place?" James asked as they drove away.</p><p>"I just want to go home." Dexter stated quietly and gravely.</p><p>"What the fuck happened to you?"</p><p>"Me and Brian had sex, then he decided to drop me."</p><p>"Drop you?"</p><p>"Yeah. He didn't want me anymore I guess."</p><p>"I told him to fucking stay away from you."</p><p>"Well, he should have. I'm broken now and I can't be fixed."</p><p>"Don't say that Dexter."</p><p>"Why not say it if it's true? Hmm?"</p><p>James sighed and continued the drive to Dexter's apartment in silence.</p><p>The rest of Dexter's day, and perhaps Brian's day as well, was spent in miserable rest. Both of them had lied down on their beds thinking about their previous actions. Brian was unsettled, fearing that Dexter was somewhere unsafe. Dexter was safe, but he soon would be in danger. Not from any natural occurence or an accident, he was in danger from himself.</p><p>Dexter was once again drowning in the despair that he longed to escape, he was enveloped in the aura of pain once again. He was unconsolable at this point, but Brian was the only one who could fix this.</p><p>He had set out to Dexter's apartment, it was around midnight but if Brian waited any longer, Dexter might have ended his own life.</p><p>He arrived with intention of fixing things, but he was unsettled for he knew not if Dexter would forgive him.</p><p>Brian knocked his door, but he was not answered. He knocked again and again, and eventually a drearily appearanced Dexter opened the door and let Brian in.</p><p>They both sat on the couch, not looking at each other but about to talk.</p><p>"Dexter..."</p><p>"Don't talk to me." Dexter cut Brian off. "I have something to say."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"I don't understand..."</p><p>"What don't you understand?"</p><p>"Why didn't you give me a chance? Yeah, I understand we had sex and all.. but why not give me a shot at a real relationship? Ever since I discovered my sexuality I've been determined to get to you, Brian."</p><p>"I- I think I'm just scared. I've never been in a relationship with another man. I've actually been falling for you, Dexter, ever since I saw you."</p><p>"Y-you were falling for me?"</p><p>"I think so... it's still so unclear to me."</p><p>"It's the same for me too... I need to ask you something, Brian."</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"Can you give me- <em>us</em>- another shot?"</p><p>"..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Part 8 ▪︎ Second Chances</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>1/26/2017 Thursday</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't know."</p><p>"Are you kidding me? You're putting me through all this for nothing?!"</p><p>Dexter sobbed loudly as he held his face in his palms, all Brian did was look at him with sorrow.</p><p>"Wait, Dexter-"</p><p>"You came in my asshole and now you don't care? Why?"</p><p>Brian choked on his tongue after hearing Dexter's comment. His mind was scrambling for something to say, but the one thing he had clear was that he did not want to lose Dexter.</p><p>"Um... Dexter, look, I need a few days to think on this, alright? Can you hold on that long?"</p><p>"Why the fuck are you here then if you're just gonna break me again?"</p><p>"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I guess."</p><p>Dexter looked at Brian expressionless, he was no longer crying as he felt too broken apart. He could feel no more emotions because he had felt them all.</p><p>"Goodbye, Brian." He muttered as he got up and walked out his own door</p><p>
  <em>Should I just let him go this time?</em>
</p><p>Brian's head fell into his hands as he softly cried. He felt as though this was his worst fuck-up; he had broken a human being's heart beyond repair.</p><p>He fell asleep on Dexter's couch, not knowing if Dexter was even safe or alive.</p><p>◇</p><p>Dexter had ran off into the city, eventually falling dramatically into an alleyway. He moaned and cried helplessly as his body shook from his pain.</p><p>He felt no more connection to Brian at that moment.</p><p>But the next moment, he did.</p><p>Dexter arose from his tears among the shattered glass of his broken heart that only Brian could put back together.</p><p>Dexter had a newfound determination to force Brian back in his life.</p><p>He quickly got up and navigated his way back to the apartment, hastily opening the door to find Brian asleep on the couch.</p><p>Dexter crept over to where the man slept, his footsteps drowned out by Brian's snoring.</p><p>He sat down by Brian's head at the end of the cushion and looked down upon him, gently stroking his long hair that had become greasy.</p><p>The older man jerked awake when Dexter's hand brushed his forehead. He sat up and looked hopelessly at Dexter.</p><p>"You're back." he whispers, saddened by previous events</p><p>"Yeah. I just need to tell you that I really love you and I don't think I can survive without you. So please, please, please, give me one more chance. That's all I want. We can figure things out if we try."</p><p>"You really think so?"</p><p>Dexter teared up looking at Brian's sad, droopy eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, I do think so."</p><p>Dexter pulled Brian into a long embrace and whispered sweet words to him. When they let go of each other, they simply got lost in each other's eyes. This was the moment their connection strengthened into something extraordinary.</p><p>"I love you, Dexter. I will give you every drop of second chances i have left in this cold ass heart." He said with a faint smile</p><p>"I love you, Brian."</p><p>They then hugged each other with the tightest of sqeezes and kissed gently until the tears finally dried. This proved that Brian was Dexter's medicine when they were truly connected.</p><p>They had laid on the couch together, cuddling and whispering sweet nothings to each other until the afternoon.</p><p>It was about 4:54 PM when Dexter's phone rang; James was calling. Without thinking, Dexter swiped the red button and continued on snuggling with his lover.</p><p>What he didn't know was that James was calling to tell Dexter that he was visiting. If Dexter had picked up the call, he could have prevented any conflict between all three of them. </p><p>At 5:21 PM there was a significantly loud knocking at the door, scaring the cozy couple.</p><p>Brian got up to answer the door, leaving Dexter to rest on the sofa. </p><p>The younger man rested his eyes, not worrying about what Brian was doing until he heard the yelling.</p><p>"What the fuck are you doing here, Brian?!" James yelled in a high-pitch tone</p><p>"I'm with my boyfreind!" He yelled back, gesturing towards Dexter</p><p>"He's not your boyfreind! You're hurting him!"</p><p>"No I'm not! Get the fuck out of here!"</p><p>Brian slammed the door on James and ignored his attempts to get back in.</p><p>"Fuck you, asshole!" James screamed through the door</p><p>Brian quietly went up to Dexter and kissed his forehead, seeing the look of fear on his face.</p><p>"Are you okay, baby?" Dexter whispered</p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine. Did you know he was coming?"</p><p>"No- but he called me."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"We'll deal with him later... someday."</p><p>"Haha, yeah... someday."</p><p>The two cuddled together on the couch again, kissing each other lovingly until Dexter's phone rang again; this time it was Sal.</p><p>
  <em>Should I pick it up this time?</em>
</p><p>He picked up his phone and looked at it, analyzing what to do. He swiped the green button and picked up.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Dexter, you've got to come quickly to the hospital, James got in a car wreck and he may not make it!" Sal talked as fast as he could.</p><p>Dexter's heart wrenched hearing the news of what happened. His phone slipped out of his hand, falling on the cushion beside him.</p><p>"Everything alright babe?"</p><p>All Dexter could do was stare at the wall in disbelief.</p>
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